Bonzalez Gang
Main Story The Bonzalez Gang (a.k.a "Jackass" or "The Donkey Show") is formed of leader Todd Bonzalez and outlaws Tumbleweed Tom and Whistlin' Willie. Together the trio performs life-threatening and often illegal stunts for the residents of the American South/Southwest or whoever else who is willing to watch. As they explained thoroughly to Cole Gate during the Wapiti bear hunt, the gang often calls themselves "The Donkey Show" instead of "Jackass" when advertising to the public as they feel as if more people would be interested in a Donkey Show than a group with a profane name such as Jackass. Over the course of the gang's life, they have done a number of ridiculous things including, upstream river tours via rowboat led by Todd Bonzalez (who can't swim), as well as feeding a live outlaw that had been hogtied by Tumbleweed Tom to a wild alligator in the swamps of Bayou Nwa, Lemoyne. Origins The gang began with Todd and and Tom. Together they formed a partnership which they named "Todd and Tom" or "TNT" for short. They even made a theme song that was just a snippet of "T.N.T" by AC/DC but with different lyrics. Eventually, the two met an old man who possessed an immense talent for whistling who's name was none other than "Whistlin' Willie". The only big events that occurred before inducting Willie were the river tour, train theft, and human piñata. The three united with Todd leading the trio and they dedicated their lives to performing ridiculously dangerous and often illegal stunts in the style of the hit MTV movie series "Jackass". Currently, the gang is most prominently active in the American South, but also they can often be found in the Western part of New Hanover as well as the Grizzlies. TnT River Tour! One morning in Flat Iron Lake, Todd and Tom were attempting to transport via boat a Pronghorn that Tom had slain on the shoreline. Their original plan was to transport the buck upstream the Dakota River to Valentine where they could sell it. As Tom put the pronghorn in the boat (before they were even near the mouth of the river), it was lost in the lake almost instantly. At this point, Tom pointed out how he had a "hankerin'" for the meat of a bear. Their plan was to venture upstream the Dakota river (with Todd as the rower) until they reached a place where there was an abundance of bears (presumably the Cumberland Forest or the West Grizzlies. As the two made their way up the river, they encountered a pair of Mexican gang members from the "Los Banditos" gang. They asked if they could have a ride in the boat, however a storm was approaching so Tom informed the two that the boat was in "surge mode" and that the two gang members would be charged a little extra for a ride. The two only had $2 each despite the fact that it was $8 per person when surge mode was in effect, however Tom was willing to accept their money for a ride. Todd immediately began reading off the rules and the information for the boat trip including that there would be no in-boat refreshments and that each person should keep their body in the boat at all times. Tom then claimed that all personal items should be stowed beneath each rider's seat and that if the rider forgets their personal items after the ride that they become Tom and Todd's. During the journey, Todd being the only rowman and also rowing upstream, the boat encounters many rapids and shallows where the vessel comes to a complete stagnance. During Todd's struggle, Tom goes on about how the Dakota River is actually man-made and was dug solely by his great-great-grandfather alongside his great grandfather with only their teeth and spoons, and occasionally they would use a shovel. Originally, Tom's ancestors wished to name the river "Little Pecker Lake" despite the fact that it isn't even a lake. Eventually, Tom decides to break out his camera and the Los Bandidos tell him to take "selfies" with him and everyone in the boat. Tom didn't know what a selfie was so he just took a picture of everyone in the boat. While trying to take pictures, Todd and the Banditos kept falling overboard. Eventually, people in the boat would lasso the person who fell overboard unintentionally drowning them while trying to save them. Eventually everyone decided the tour was over as the boat was becoming too difficult for Todd to row upstream further. Everyone stepped out and Todd exclaimed that no boat tour was complete without "some fireworks". He then proceeded to throw a stick of dynamite at the boat destroying it and therefore ending the boat tour. Todd and Tom's Hard Fought Train Theft Shortly after the boat tour and parting ways with the Los Banditos, Todd and Tom were attempting to perform a stunt off of a railroad bridge where one would lasso the other and let them hang over the edge. While doing so, a train approaches and Tom decides that they should steal it despite the fact that another gang already had possession of it and a large number of members aboard. After a couple failed attempts, the driver stopped the train giving Tom the chance to make his way on the train safely without being gunned down. After murdering a couple of the outlaws aboard the train, Tom was lassoed and hogtied by a bald-headed gang member named Jonathan. Jonathan throws hogtied Tom off the moving train. Tom survived this however. Later after Todd and Tom tailed the train for some time, the outlaws made their way off the train allowing Tom and Todd the opportunity to capture it for themselves. This also prompted Todd and Tom to continue their tour business via train and calling themselves "TnT Tours". While Todd drove, Tom decided to search the train for anything valuable, but nothing was found as the train wasn't a passenger train and didn't have any accessible cargo. Later, rather than continuing their tour business, Todd decides to test out something he found out about from "Mythbusters". They claimed that a bullet wouldn't ignite the fuel of a burning lantern. One of the flatbed cars had a crate with a burning lantern on it for Todd to attempt this test. Upon doing so, the lantern combusted violently igniting Todd and the wooden crate. Todd couldn't get the flames off and decided to do so by jumping into the body of water below the bridge that the train sat idle upon. Todd survived the fall, however the flames also ignited the wooden train car but not damaging any other part of the train. After this, they decided to try and do more ridiculous experiments and stunts rather than pursue their tour business. The Piñata Experiment Todd and Tom had discussed rumors of fellow outlaws who had reportedly lassoed innocent people and dangled them off of an elevated surface (most of the time off of bridges) while a partner below would beat them like a piñata. Todd and Tom did this on a bridge just outside of Saint Denis, Lemoyne. Bonzalez Gang Jackass Eventually Todd and Tom met a man named Whistlin' Willie and decided to devote most of their time to experimenting with dangerous stunts for the entertainment of not only themselves but also the citizens of the Southern United States and anyone else willing to watch. These Jackass style stunts make appearances constantly through the gang's journeys and are an integral part of the gang itself. A Journey to the Far North While the three were pondering what they should do next one fateful morning, Todd brought up the idea that they should poke around the Northern parts of Ambarino as none of them had ever made it that far North in their lives. The first destination that Todd had set was as farth North as they could travel at the Top of Spider Gorge. Todd and Tom both abundantly pointed out that their destination was "as North as North gets". Tom then decides for some reason that it's a better idea to venture to the Wapiti Indian Reservation instead claiming that the gang will "meet more people along the way" if they choose that destination, and so they decided to continue traveling to Spider Gorge saving Wapiti for later. As the three made their way through the snow-filled Grizzlies, they encountered a frozen lake where Todd had gotten off of his horse to capture an animal. While Todd was off of his horse, Willie lassoed him and dragged him around the lake while riding his horse, calling the activity "ice skating". While this is going on, Tom is at the end of the lake when he recognizes a familiar frozen cabin. He goes on to explain that it is the cabin of his great-grandfather Gary Tumbleweed who was most famously known for digging the Dakota River many years before. Inside, Tom found a bottle of Kentucky Bourbon on a table that served as a Tumbleweed family heirloom so he took it for himself. Upon exiting the lakeside cabin the three decided to have a diving contest and made their way to the roof of the cabin so that they may jump in. All three were severely injured on impact due to the lake being frozen or from missing the frozen lake entirely from the jump. Soon thereafter, Todd and Willie decide to due one of their Jackass stunts. The two stood roughly 10 paces apart and attempted to shoot the hats off of each other. They called this stunt the "Simultaneous Hat Shoot-Off". After the stunt, Tom wanted to attempt to create a massive avalanche, however he wasn't sure if it would be possible for the three of them to do such a thing. Todd volunteered to test it out, but is horse wanted no part of it so they gave up. At this point the three realized that the Far North is nothing but "a stiff" and that there was actually nothing to do up there. Tom went on to say "nothing up here but my grandfather's butt-fucking cabin". This is where the gang's journey to the Far North of Ambarino came to an end. They decided to travel elsewhere. The Wapiti Bear Hunt While the three were making their way to the Wapiti Indian Reservation (as part of an earlier idea from Tom in order to see what the area had to offer), they found themselves messing around in a group of trees. Upon doing so, a man slowly approached them with a gun pointed at Tom stating that the group was trespassing on his property and that those were "his trees". Before introducing himself, the man slowly approached one of the pine trees indicating how that pine tree was his property. As the man was boasting the gorgeous tree, Todd spit on the tree angering the man. The man aimed his rifle at Todd and Todd, being the over-confident man he is, exclaimed that the rifle "probably ain't even loaded". The man then blasted Todd in the face with his shotgun, sending him to the ground. The man then aimed the gun at Tom and Willie yelling at them to leave his property. The man eventually calmed down and Tom said since he killed Todd that him and Willie weren't about to leave empty-handed. The man then scooped up Todd's body and threw it on top of the horse complimenting Todd's lavender-like scent. As soon as this happened, however, Todd's reincarnated self walked right back into the conversation as if it was no big deal. Tom then goes on to explain the nature of their trip to Wapiti and how they were also on the hunt for some good bear meat. The man became excited explaining how the area was filled with many bears. He then offered his tour guide services to Todd, Tom, and Willie and they accepted. In return, Todd strikes a deal with the man letting him keep the pelts of any bears they find in return for being their guide. It is at this point the man consoles his wife and asks for her opinion on the situation. It is also revealed at this point that this odd man is married to his horse. According to the man, his wife said that it was a good idea to accept the proposal. He then kissed the horse and hops on ready to lead the three through the Wapiti area in search of bears. After the exchange with the man and his horse, Todd was very disgusted at the couple and expressed how weird it was to see a horse give a man "lustful stares" as the man's horse was doing to him. As the group started their trek, the man finally introduced himself as Cole Gate. Immediately, a man on a cliff fires upon the group and he is killed by Tom. They go up to look at the body and Cole tosses him over the edge, which angers Tom as that's his own family's tradition of disposing of the dead. Something he refers to as a "Tumbleweed Send-off". As the tour went on, the group talked about the difference between black bears and brown bears (grizzly bears) and Todd also pointed out how his ex-wife was attracted to garbage a lot like a black bear. Soon after, Tom asked Cole how he met his wife, and Cole explained that it was love at first sight when they met at the horse corral. At this point, Todd started gagging and attributed this to "saddle-sickness" when in reality it was due to his disgust of the human-horse couple. Cole then goes on to tell a very long story that describes the tale of a giant bear. During the long story, the gang passes a hot spring and Tom interrupts asking if they can take a dip as Tom hadn't bathed in three days. Cole says yes and then goes on to say "Yea this story's pretty long and boring". Tom eventually announces that he's about to "make his mark" in the water. It is at this point that Todd immediately jumps out of the water, however Willie then begins to actually drink the water and Todd tells him to stop condescendingly. Willie continues to drink explaining how he is very thirsty. After, the men all return to their horses and continue the tour. Cole finishes the story after they mount their horses. The story was pretty much just about a giant bear that ate a man. Tom asked how one would beat such an animal and Cole stated that a simple lasso would do the trick. The gang ventured up the mountain for a while when the gang sees absolutely nothing, especially not a bear so they challenge Cole to actually find something that is living and killing it to prove that he's not "blowing smoke and mirrors" about everything he'd been saying. Cole then left his horse, lassoed a large, wrestled it for a few seconds then stabbed it in the heart killing it. Tom, Todd, and Willie got together in a small huddle and talked about whether they should continue forward with Cole. Tom was impressed by the act saying "We are in the presence of greatness". The gang continued to bicker in their huddle about what to do next when Cole came up out of nowhere wondering what they were conversing about. Todd, acting quickly, told Cole that they were "just discussing the steel industry". The gang then continued to follow Cole Gate in search of a bear. Cole attempted to wrestle and stab another elk when Todd tried to help by stomping it to death. Cole then became very angry with Todd as the meat and pelt was not pristine as it would have been had he not kicked it saying that "he tenderized the fur too much". As Cole and Todd rode away, Tom and Willie held back a bit and Tom commanded that Willie doesn't let the elk go to waste telling Willie "you skin that sum'bitch". Later down the road Todd tells a story about the time Tom ate one of his fingernails for $20 to prove to Cole how much Tom will do for money. Right after, the group spots a deer on a large rock and Todd explains how he's heard legends of rock deer before. As the deer sees the group and jumps off the rock to flee, Tom then yells "rock deer!" and chases after it. Todd then gets the final hit on the rock deer and Willie emphasizes that you cannot let them get away and that it is "about the kill, not the principle". Back on the trail, Todd was ambushed by a man he knew from a long time ago and the man ended up killing his horse. Tom picked off the man from a distance as he rode away, however Todd still needed a remedy for his wounded horse. Cole Gate revived Todd's horse immediately, and Todd was confused as he just wanted to give his horse some "Trans-cortical high-speed lead injection therapy" to the side of the head. However, he was grateful Cole used horse medicine, nonetheless. Roughly three minutes later, Todd's horse trips over a couple barrels and becomes severely wounded yet again so Todd left the horse to die. Later on, Cole, Todd, and Tom are resting by a campfire when Willie appears out of nowhere explaining how he earlier broke his leg. Tom suggested he splint it with something and Willie explains how he already tied a wooden plank to his leg. While Todd and Willie are cooking, a pack of wolves approaches the camp, however Todd makes quick work of them. After a long period of aimless riding, bear searching, and a nice cliff hopping stunt, the gang ponders giving up when Cole claims he has a perfect location to find bears, despite the fact he had said that since the beginning of the journey. Regardless, the gang continued to follow. Some time later, Todd and Tom are sharing a horse while Cole and Willie are also sharing Cole's wife. It gets to the point where Cole and Willie are significantly father ahead and Willie becomes afraid that Cole is actually kidnapping him. Todd and Tom then track Willie and Cole down to a snowy mine near the town of Colter in the West Grizzlies. Once again, there is no bear to be found and that is when Todd decides to throw in the towel and head off somewhere else. Tom, Willie, and Cole continue their journey for many many miles to no avail. A bear is never found by the three and at that point, the hunting trip came to an end. The Reunification of the Gang After the failure of the Wapiti excursion, the gang went their separate ways and each did their own thing for just under a year. Tumbleweed Tom had made a life for himself in the deserts of New Austin somewhat near his home town of Tumbleweed. He lives in a quaint little cabin and claims to have gone "straight" until one day when Todd Bonzalez (who had turned to bounty hunting during the gang's downtime) showed up claiming to have a $5 bounty on Tom for fornicating with a horse. Todd had also invested a great deal of money in acquiring new more opulent clothing in addition to growing and re-styling his hair. Regardless, Tom goes on to explain how he hasn't committed any notable crimes recently and how nothing he'd recently done involved "any fornicatin'". As Todd pries more information out of Tom, Tom begins to admit how he did commit a sexual act on a horse, but not in the way the bounty poster claimed. Tom goes on to explain how he "boofed" the horse with a carrot and not with his own "pecker". Nonetheless, Tom and Todd catch up with one another until Todd mentions how he could use some help tracking bounties. Tom offers his unconditional help and bargains with Todd to not turn in the bounty. Tom eventually mentions how they'd have much better luck with Whistlin' Willie back at their side. They begin to wonder where to begin to look for Willie and Todd mentions that he's constantly at the Saloon. They venture to the nearest Saloon in Tom's hometown of Tumbleweed and before going in Tom exclaims that Willie would definitely be in there and that Willie is always somewhere with a piano nearby. As they walk in Willie immediately falls from the balcony to the floor of the saloon right at the feet of Tom and Todd. At first Willie didn't remember Todd and Tom but a quick swig of whiskey jogs his memory. The three grab a round of drinks (on Willie) and catch up. As they became more intoxicated, Todd began to spin his two revolvers around on his hands repeatedly. Soon after, Willie claims he can do the same. Todd and Tom implore him to be cautious as he had been drinking excessively. Willie begins to spin the pistol and as soon as he does so he misfires and barely misses Tom's hat. As they drank more, Todd spots a girl on the other end of the bar and tells Tom and Willie that he's going to go hit on her. He tells Tom and Willie that he's going to ask her if she likes architecture and then after her response tell her that he and Willie are "going to make an A-frame out of her". Willie then suggests that Todd simply makes eye contact from across the room and begin whistling. Todd takes Willie's advice and is aggressively shot down. As the woman runs out of the saloon for her life, Tom calls her a "dirty bitch" and kills her as she sprints away. The three flee town as quickly as possible as Tom exclaims how he's taking back his home town.